How to Move from Knowing to Showing

Being a Boss Versus Being a Leader

Workplace relationships are strongly influenced by the leadership of a company or business.  If you find yourself in leadership in the workplace, this blog is for you.

This image is an introductory illustration of the difference between bosses and leaders.  Their effect on their employees is clear.  A boss orders and separates from employees while a leader stands behind and works with employees.

Interpersonal communication comes in many forms and is effected by each individual’s perception, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence among many other topics. Needless to say, interpersonal communication is complex.  However, every individual comes into contact with interpersonal interaction each day.  Specifically in the workplace, there are many contexts under which interpersonal communication takes place.  Professional, friendship, and possibly even romantic relationships are built.  The leadership of a company or business sets the tone for these relationships in their formation and continuation.

Maturing leadership skills makes it possible for a boss to become a leader.  Characteristics of a boss and a leader are described well in this blog- Leader vs. Boss.  Leaders initiate and encourage growth.  They help people to see potential in themselves and pair with employees and coworkers on projects.  Bosses gives orders and criticisms, and they demand respect without earning it.  The importance of this distinction seems subtle at first, but it is crucial concerning interpersonal communication in the workplace.  Simple verbal implications such as telling someone to go do something versus joining with them is the beginning of making the shift from being a boss to being a leader.  Leadership is simply more effective.  Positive workplace relationships are dependent on positive leadership.  Erika Andersen has studied this topic and gives more detail on this topic in this written work.

The personal application for this setting is not dependent on formal leadership roles.  Every individual can effect the positive or negative nature of a work environment.  My first suggestion would be to begin to check the language you use when speaking with coworkers or employees.  Change you I to we. Begin to work with those people rather than instructing them on what to do.  Second, look for the strengths in your coworkers or employees.  Encourage those strengths and work with them.  Base the context in which you encourage on the strengths of the individual and limit criticism to constructive conversations that are for the benefit of the employee and the company alike.  Finally, leaders exercise their human nature in interpersonal interactions.  Shying away from kindness and compassion are not beneficial to the company or to relationships.  Allow an appropriate level of self-disclosure to take place between yourself and your employees.  Leaders are as human as any other employee.

Personally, I have come to understand the importance of maturing my leadership skills in order to encourage growth in others.  I am the president of a campus chapter of the International Justice Mission on my college campus. We have just become an official campus chapter this school year. Being a new chapter has come with many challenges.  The most challenging for me was balancing the delegation of tasks while remaining a leader rather than a boss.  The most effective events that we have planned have been a result of team work within the leadership team that resulted from a joint effort between a group of leaders. Using the “let’s go” versus the “go” language and inserting “we” where “I” would have previous said I have been the most basic changes. I also have made a conscious effort to learn the strengths of the members of the leadership team and to encourage those in the task that I delegate to each person.  The level of self-disclosure that I initially utilized was too task focused for the group.  I have begun to spend more time getting to know each of the leaders and sharing about my life.

Learning about leadership is an investment that is applicable to any workplace.  Improving leadership skills is a worthwhile endeavor.  Now is the time to begin!

References

Expert Business Analyst. (2013, July). Retrieved May 1, 2016, from http://expertbusinessanalyst.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/leader-vs-boss.jpg

Andersen, E. (2012, December 9). Great Workplaces Arise from Great Leaders. Retrieved May 01, 2016, from http://www.forbes.com/sites/erikaandersen/2012/09/12/great-workplaces-arise-from-great-leaders/#7d5ead14d424

Jimenez, C. (2013, January 16). Leader vs. Boss: What’s the Difference? Retrieved May 01, 2016, from http://blogs.wpcarey.asu.edu/undergrad/leader-vs-boss-whats-the-difference/

 

Snowballs or Coconuts?

 

This cartoon by Ted Goff illustrates a comedic interpretation of the importance of cultural competency. http://www.newslettercartoons.com//catalog/catalog.cgi?sid=109239593

Cultural competence is crucial in the field of social work.  As I continue to explore avenues of social work and a degree in the field, I am coming to a greater understanding of the necessity of cultural competence.  A lack of cultural competence negatively effects the efficiency of social work.  It is almost impossible to build the rapport needed in a social worker-client relationship without an understanding of each person’s cultural mindset.

Unity in the human race follows the path of cultural competency.   I care deeply for people who experience loneliness and feel forgotten, who are left behind and viewed as lesser, and who are exploited.  Building cultural competency allows my interpersonal relationships to be beyond an exercise of compassion and be transformed into a respectful, reciprocal appreciation with people from various cultural backgrounds.  Goodman notes that the relationships with culturally competent participants are characterized by equity and inclusion (Goodman, 2013).  Her blog post with further detail is linked here: Cultural Competency for Social Justice.

The application for cultural competency is not only for social workers, public relations employees, or mass media experts.  Cultural competency is a necessary skill for every human being to possess.  It is important, first, to understand what culture is.  Culture and Conflict by Michelle LeBaron presents insightful commentary on cultural competence and a definition of culture itself.  Most people think they are conducting themselves in a normal manner from day to day, and that is true… as long as those people remain in their cultural context and with people from their own cultural context.  The importance of understanding and respecting various career paths is obvious in modern times.  Cultural tension is present in every city in America, and the need for cultural knowledge is becoming more and more pressing.

For example, I have found it extremely beneficial to have mentor relationships with people from a culture other than mine.  I had the privilege of becoming close friends with my Resident Assistant last year.  She is from Kosovo.  Her country experienced war and hardship for her entire childhood.  When she left her country to come to college, she experienced severe cultural differences.  She communicated the cultural differences increasingly as we became closer friends.  I noticed early on that her comfort with ambiguity was much higher than mine.  I also noticed that she was very indirect with her invitations.  She would regularly invite me to have tea with her, but if I had other commitments, she would be hurt more than I realized when I declined.  Through this friendship I learned about the ways in which my own culture effects my communication and interpersonal relationships.  I have very direct tendencies and a very low level of comfort with ambiguity.  Knowing these facts has helped me to become more culturally competent.  I would encourage everyone to seek friendships and mentorships with people who grew up in other cultures.  The best way to learn about other cultures, in my opinion, is to partake in relationships and settings in which those cultures are present.  Examine your comfort level with ambiguity and the way you interpret time.  Those two factors are great starting point in becoming more culturally competent.

References

Cultural Competency. (2010). Retrieved March 30, 2016, from https://www.enewsletters.gov.bc.ca/Aboriginal_Healthy_Living/Winter_Solstice_2010/Cultural_Competency/article

Goodman, D. J. (2013, February 5). Culture Competency for Social Justice. Retrieved March 30, 2016, from https://acpacsje.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/cultural-competency-for-social-justice-by-diane-j-goodman-ed-d/

LeBaron, M. (2003, July). Culture and Conflict | Beyond Intractability. Retrieved March 30, 2016, from http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/culture-conflict

Move It, Move It

Kinesics in Interpersonal Communication

Is it possible to communicate without using any words or noises at all?   How often do we correctly interpret nonverbal cues from those around us?  Can we accurately convey our thoughts without the use of our voices?  Though verbal communication plays a strong role in the grand scheme of communicating, nonverbal communication is crucial to sending and receiving messages. One type of nonverbal communication is kinesics.  CReducation defines kinesics as the ways in which we move and the body language we present.  Some parts of kinesics are conscious while others are subconscious or even go unnoticed totally.  The hyperlink to their website further explains their understanding of this study. CReducation                                                                                                                                             ————————————————————————-

 

Humans are capable of expressing various emotions simply by adjusting their facial muscles.

Crouching, posing, flailing, squinting, and pointing all bring to mind very clear pictures of nonverbal communication that indicate a certain feeling or intended action.  We use our arms, legs, eyes, mouths, and even our general posture to represent how we’re feeling, to gesture to outside sources, and to communicate power.  Especially in western culture, the nonverbal cue of eye contact has strong implications.  For example, eye contact represents confidence, directs conversation, and even conveys hostility.  From elementary school on I can remember teachers reinforcing the idea of making eye contact during every conversation in order to show your own confidence while showing concern for the person with which you are communicating.  Eye contact is closely related to facial expressions.  Faces are capable of depicting numerous emotions in every spectrum from disgust to joy.  Facial expressions sometimes beat our words in the race of communication.  Hiding surprise or disgust poses significant challenges in my interpersonal communication.

Posture presents another form of kinesics.  Personally, if i notice a person slouching and

Reaching for a handshake is a nonverbal gesture that requires response from the opposite person.

yawning while talking with me, I rarely hear what they’re saying because I have chosen to listen to their nonverbal communication that is saying they’re bored and uninterested in our conversation.  My choir teachers have instilled the importance of sitting up straight.  When sitting up straight, breath support, personal presentation, and confidence are improved.  Nonverbal communication even effects the person acting our the  communication tactics.  Similarly, gestures signify direction, mood, or play a role in accenting verbal communicators.  Gestures cover a wide range of communication like pointing to signify location or shifts in focus and offering a handshake as a greeting.  Gestures are numerous and vary between cultures. The interaction between Culture and communication is described in this link by Huston (2014).

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Nonverbal communication is of the utmost importance when interacting with other people.    In order to use and mature our nonverbal communication, we must become aware of the types of nonverbal communication.  Kinesics, in particular, provides avenues to grow in confidence, show support, and present a calm, collected self even in surprising and gasp-worthy situations.  Knowledge and understanding of kinesics can lead to a higher level of emotional intelligence.  Emotions are connected to our kinesics, and those kinesics are a large determinant in our interpersonal relationships.  So, in order to improve our personal emotional intelligence and our interpersonal relationships, we must learn about kinesics and intentionally apply positive body language into our daily nonverbal vocabulary.  Tips from the Exercises section in Communicating nonverbally  (2012) are quality starting points on the path to improved kinesic skills.

References:

Hutson, M. (2014, April 13). OPINION: A face doesn’t speak for itself. Retrieved February 26, 2016, from http://america.aljazeera.com/opinions/2014/4/emotions-microexpressionsreadingfaceslawenforcementtsa.html

Kinesics. (n.d.). Retrieved February 26, 2016, from http://www.creducation.org/resources/nonverbal_communication/kinesics.html

Nonverbal Communication Competence. (n.d.). Retrieved February 26, 2016, from http://2012books.lardbucket.org/books/a-primer-on-communication-studies/s04-03-nonverbal-communication-compet.html

The Getting-to-Know-You Theory

Relationships of all kinds begin with surface levels of a person being observed or discussed.  Relationships then progress because of a reciprocal sharing of more personal facts or perceptions of oneself.  The most intimate relationships are produced through the sharing of central values and thoughts about oneself.  These statements about relationships describe the social penetration theory.  The theory is meant to describe and enhance the understanding of interpersonal relationships.  Self-disclosure is closely related to the social penetration theory.  Characteristics of self-disclosure track the movement from an acquaintance relationship to an intimate relationship. Self-Disclosure Characteristics

One common illustration of the social penetration theory is an onion.  The layers of an onion are similar to the way in which a person moves through the process of building intimacy with another individual.  At first, the topics are numerous and aren’t tied to strongly held opinions.  This layer is characterized by attributes such as age, hobbies, and likes or dislikes. A layer beneath the first layer begins to touch more personal beliefs, values, and attitudes.  This second layer contains opinions about music, politics, and past periods of life.  The innermost layers are the most intimate and are saved for only the most intimate of relationships.  These central values compose self-esteem, self-concept, and self-awareness as well as values, traits, and fears.

The social penetration theory is present in every person’s life.  Various levels of self-disclosure are present each day and in every situation.  Personally, I have experienced the reality of this theory since I have come to college and met new friends.  I moved to a Joplin in order to come to school, but I didn’t have any contacts or friends here at first.  As a freshman, I stepped on to campus and hoped for the best.  Over the last few years I have come to intimately know a few people.  My best friend in particular has shown me over and over again what it means to trust someone else with your innermost thoughts and feelings.  My friend and I regularly talk about the many issues with which college student comes into contact.  Everything from money to boys to religion and politics are examined, but on another level of friendship, we are committed to helping each other correct any misconceptions about our idea of our inner-self.  My friend challenges my beliefs of who I am and attempts to help me see things differently.  I trust her to be honest with me and to be in pursuit of helping me become the best version of myself.  She trusts me to be honest and open about what I think and am feeling while also reciprocating the opposite role for her.  This mutual relationship has grown over time and continues to involved some risk; however, the risk is paired with a trust that allows the relationship to continue to grow.

As I have grown in this friendship, I have learned that it is okay to keep some things solely as your own.  Not every inner thought or feeling is necessary to share even with the closest of friends.  Also, I have learned that the risk associated with relationships is a beautiful way to grow in trust.  Without steps that involve some level of risk and trust, the next level of intimacy will never be reached within a relationship.  The number of topics my friend and I discuss are numerous but the depth of those topics continues to grow as we become closer and build our friendship.  The purposefully intention of disclosing information about oneself is a crucial part of the social penetration theory.  In order to continue in a relationship, both sides must be willing to both listen and share somewhat personal information.